


Lui...gi.... my se..xy man....

by Sexy_luigi



Category: Shrek (Movies), Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, Anal, Heartbreak, M/M, Political Alliances, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-09-23 16:24:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sexy_luigi/pseuds/Sexy_luigi
Summary: Shrek leaves Fiona





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Myself](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myself/gifts).



"I... I cant do this anymore, Fiona" his voice shaking, a tear rolling down his well structured face, a face not made for tears.  
"What is it darling? What cant you do anymore?" Fiona asked, confused and worried.  
"This. Us... I dont think I am happy anymore..."

The color faded from Fionas face, leaving a sickly light green color behind. "W...what do you mean? Why? Why arent you happy? Is... is it something I did please tell me what I did wr..."

Shrek interrupted her, with a sad but harsh look on his face "Fiona this isnt about you. Please dont think this is your fault. But there is someone... someone that I feel strongly for. Someone that you could never be. I'm sorry but I think a divorce is best for us."  
"But... But Shrek you cant just leave me and the children all alone, what are they supposed to do with no daddy? And how am I going to explain that their mommy wasn'tgood enough so daddy had to leave her for another woman?"

"I know it's wrong Fiona, but I just cannot stay. You can tell the kids that their daddy has gone... to be with his daddy."  
A gap followed by a sharp inhale of breath came from Fiona "YER LEAVING ME FOR A MAN? BOI!" 

The hunk of a man they call shrek took a last look back at Fiona, his former love and pulled the divorce forms from the hidden pocket in his well fitted, tailor made brown leather pants.

Fiona, still looking like she was about to scream, quietly took the pen that was attached to the mans thin belt, exaggerating his attractive waist.  
Goddamnit if only her man wasn't so attractive, Fiona thought to herself.  
Hesitatingly she signed the Form.  
The green man left the room without looking back. And just like that, Fionas love of her live slipped away.

It took Fiona a good five minutes to process the events. As it finally got to her, her knees became weak. She sank to the ground, breath hitching. It didnt even feel like she was the one experiencing these emotions. It was almost like she was watching from the outside. But it was in fact her.

It felt like she was drowning. Every wave of sadness taking her breath away. With every sob it seemed more and more impossible to carry on. 

It was only when she realized she needed to pick up the kids from swamp daycare that she got the power to get up.


	2. Mmmmm. Yes..  thus is it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luigi and shrek go on a walk

It has been a year since the fateful incident that brought the two green loving, attractive men together.  
It became clear very fast that they were just meant to be.  
And now that Shrek was a free man, it held down by the pressing bond of marriage that has plagued the man for a long time, he was free to be with his lover.

Shrek only had to walk a mile out of the swamp to their usual meet up spot. An especially pleasing mudbath, far away from everyone, so their intimacy could remain undisturbed. Plus the mod doubled great as lube.

Shrek waited. He got worried. Was he not gonna come after all this time? Was all this just a game to him? Did he leave the old love of his life for nothing? He started getting shakey. He was near the verge of tears as the panic rolled over him.

But then the familiar sound came out of the bushes. Shrek looked up, absolutely delighted at the sound. Just half a second later the tiny man with a moustache came flying out of the bushes and landed in shreks lap. 

"It's a me Luigi", he said, apologetically. The man didn't know any words other than that, besides yes and no. 

"Shut up" the bigger man said, pulling Luigi into a passionate, slow kiss.  
"We have someplace to be."

And just like that shrek tucked the plumber into his belt and started walking. Luigi may be fast in his world but over here he would never be able to keep up with shreks gracefully long legs and equally as graceful steps.

Like that they walked to a little hut, where a wizzard lived. He had turned shrek into a human once before.

They entered the hut together, Luigi still being in the warm embrace between shreks warm, soft belly and belt. 

The almighty wizzard was meant to make shrek smaller, so the two would be able to go to luigis world together. With this size shrek would never fit through the pipes plus him being smaller would make sex much more pleasurable.

Shrek called out for the man several times. There was no answer.  
The inseberable couple went around the hut trying to find the wizzard. 

There was an awful energy coming from the bathroom.

The two entered and found a grusome picture.  
The wizzard was chopped up into chicken nuggets.  
They quickly ate all the nuggets and came up with a plan:  
They had to to the spell themselves. There were plenty of books around the hut so it should not be too hard.

It took both if them incredible willpower to get Luigi separated from his big, green lover.  
When the thing was finally done with the help of plenty passionate kisses, they went on the search after the right spell.

Dawn had almost set as Luigi had finally found the right spell "ITS A ME! YES. ITS A ME LUIGI!" he yelled excitedly.  
Shrek came over to look at his lover and then the spell.  
He quickly tucked luigi back into his belt and spoke the spell 

If only he had read the tiny print at the bottom of the page more carefully. It said you had you had to be separate and someone else would need to cast the spell onto you or else something will go horribly wrong.

Shrek noticed something was off when he opened his eyes and the man with the moustache was still smaller than him. He didn't understand what went wrong. But what he did understand was that they were at a different place. A place that looked an awful lot like the white house....


	3. Tjis.... th,,e ended,,,"?-'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adventures in the white house

A short time after they realized they were in the white house the two extraordinarily handsome men also realized there was linguini on the floor. Sadly it was uncooked so they just let it be.

Shrek started walking, Luigi still in that flattering belt of his. The two majestic fellows went on a search for any person. Maybe they could be able to help them. 

Luigi was Shreks eyes in this case, since the stunningly beautiful ocean eyes of Luigi not only were bigger than Shreks but since he was a plumber he had amazing heat vision, like any other plumber too. Yes. Yes, you should be scared. 

After they strolled around the white house for a while luigi screamed. "Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit'S a MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and hectically pointed in direction of a door. A door that looked very mysterious....

Shrek used his super duper mega sexy ogre power to open the door. Turns out it was unnecessary. The door opened with ease and the tune to Dora the explorer started playing.

The first thing noticable in the room were the many grapefruits nailed to the ceiling.   
They were cut open and positioned to make a stunningly realistic portrait of Vladimir Putin. 

Shrek, having great interest for interior design, immediately recognized this as the first lady's work. She truly had great taste in room decorations. 

Luigi gave Shreks penis a light tug to guide his glance away from the ceiling and towards the big desk in the room. 

There was a man sitting at said desk.   
He was staring at his phone, possibly thinking very hard about the correct spelling of the word "received" and inevitably spelling it as "recieved" in one of his deeply philosophically tweets, which the two grassy men appreciated so deeply.

The mans looks were pleasing. His orange color scheme going beautifully with the leafy green of the other men.

Shrek and Luigi exchanged one knowing look. If anyone would e able to help them it would be the mesmerizing president of the United states. He was pure wisdom. His philosophy about his county somehow avoiding all logic and yet having intrigued so many.

Shrek, being the one with the vocabulary including more than six words, took a step toward the desk with the intention of asking the president for help. However he decided against it, considering the flamboyant personality of the tanned man.

Instead he seductively leaned down and took a big bite out if the table.

Donald was very obviously aroused by this action. One thing led to another and well... let's say Putin had seen things...

After the hottest experience of the green couples life, Donald gave them access to his best magician, located in the white house. He was being held hostage together with Melania and let out for occasions like this.

Shrek hesitated for a second. His shared time with Donald and Luigi was the most beautiful thing the graceful man could have ever imagined. If he turned small now he would never be able to do this again. He would end up looking like a corndog, just like Luigi did.

It didnt take long to convince Luigi to let the magician make him grow to a proud size of 6'7". Sadly neither his vocabulary nor his penis grew by this spell.

But that didnt matter becaus the three spent the rest of their lives living in a lasagna noodle box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Veksbzz nuttttttt. Th,,isgb was,,,, goo,,d expe,,fubend,,, moch fnu.


	4. Syeueeessssn....njrie9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rzbi...chip...no...o1i...xvfbd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeeeeeee...shdhiooooooo,,,,,, danger

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE3333REEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEERRIIDITYYDYEEERERREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRERRRRRRRREEEE.  
.....  
GARFI3EDL IS SKOOOOOOOOO SEXXYYY  
SHOW ME HKW MUCH YOU CNA EAT BGI CATTTTT  
MMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHH  
,,,,, COME LIVE IN THE NOODLE BOKS  
GYEEEES  
..


	5. Naaààaaahh....jes..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jsaaaaaaaa. Mutsch dead..... ssuidjjoppoppppp...

Nothing matters anymore. Luigi. He... He was eaten by Garfield.   
His dick was so small that he thought it was a shrimp.   
Once he had taken that first bite he just couldnt stop eating.   
Luigi.. oh my jesus... he bake into... lots lasaga...  
He... he legitterally... h..he. he fuckinv got ated...

Shrek had many nightmares after this incident. But thank god sweet sweet Donald was there to hold him.  
Shrek knew it was his fault. If he only didnt let Garfield into the lasagna box for an orgy.   
Despite the horrifying incident shrek became an instant boner thinking about Garfield, the sexy, sexy, magnificent, elegant cat. 

But not just a boner, the green hunk of a man noticed to his terror, he had a boner in his heart.   
It grew bigger and bigger. He was sure it was visible from the outside.

The big, sexy, green man untangled himself from his lover, the hottest and smartest president the usa ever had, to go outside. 

Outside he picked a single almond from his armpit and ate it.

He went to find Garfield. He wanted to investigate this heart boner.

The magnificently orange striped cat was sitting with his back toward the door. His adorable big, pleasant eyes visible from behind.

But he wasn't alone....  
Was that.. that was...  
Luigi??? 

"Its a me, Luigi" the green man with the tiny penis said, seductively. 

The cat pulled something from his incredibly sexy bellyflap. No it's not a dildo. It's a deep frozen lasagna.

But what Garfield did next was horrible. He put the lasagna on the carpet and both men farted on it.

They lit the anally ejected gas on fire and defrosted the lasagna. 

Afterwards they carefully cut the lasagna into equally sized pieces. 

Shrek died. The boner in his heart was a tumor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hai. Don't worry. He come baccc soooonn.


	6. Ghaaaasbdhdyd.... mja

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ressurection

Luigi jumped up, shocked by the sound of shreks humongous body hitting the floor.  
He quickly checked if he was alive by blowing on his toes. 

He was not.

"Its a me luigi" the, now normally sized, green twink said. He became the shrug.

He couldn't let himself look impacted by this event, because of his masive cat lover, but he was dying on the inside.

Luigi walked home, dragging shreks lifeless body behind him, using the new james charles pallete as wheels for shrek, who was wearing apple airpods, just to flex on the living.

He arrived at the white house, breaking down as soon as he saw Donald's tan, reminiscent of a fresh, spanish orange.

Donald, too, was heartbroken.  
However, after a long time of sobbing and being unable to accept shreks sudden death, Donald came up with a solution.

He went down to the torture chamber, with shrek, all four james Charles pallets still attached to his lifeless body.

Down at the chamber he freed Melania from the cage.  
He set shreks body on the floor, where he attached various wires to his body, of which more than seemed necessary, to luigi, went inside shreks rectal opening. 

Donald flipped a switch, laughing maniacally.  
The lights in the room went off and a disco ball went off.  
Some sick ass beats started playing. 

Donald and Luigi threw down some killer dance moves.

Shreks ghost was so shook by this, that his soul was thrown back into his body, just to join his lovers on the dancefloor.

But this event caused something... odd.  
Their location had changed... to the Westboro Baptist Church....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OLA.... SOY,,, DORA,,


	7. Sexy pastor dialogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM fucking redi

Ye. Ye. Ye m ye. Ye. Ye . Uuuuh ye.  
The funkin bestbobor paptjst chruch.  
Ye mr sexi pastor blezse hav the secks with us.  
We promise u say no homo god will never knoe.  
Blease come heve seks with us.

Mmmm yes big boys I liek shen u beg....  
Mmet me at 10 in the comfessin...


End file.
